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Share your quitting journey

Last Ditch Attempt

mjlibbie
Member
1 19 258

So....I've been here everyday since I quit 30 days ago. I don't post much but read just about every post/blog/question. In some ways, I've kind of replaced my "addiction" to smoking with an addiction to this site. LOL Much healthier addiction. But....in the past 30 days, I'd say I've had barely a handful of "good" days. I've read and re-read my "quit journal", going over all the reasons I wanted to quit. I've read and re-read Allan Carr's book, I've read and re-read "What to expect in the first four months" blog.

 

But...the last couple of days (Day 28-30) have been brutal. My resolve is completely breaking down and I'm not just getting craves that I can breathe away, talk myself out of, etc....it's wave after wave and it is truly wearing me down. I don't want just One....I want my old comfort zone. I'm so frustrated I don't think I'm even writing coherently right now.

 

Strange thing is I was able to get through several really stressful days without smoking. I'm not even under any particular stress right now. Just crazy missing my "old ways".  To be terribly blunt, (and definitely do not mean to offend anyone whatsoever!) although I appreciate the honesty of those posting about how they are struggling to hold onto their quit months, even years later…that scares the heck out of me. I don’t think I’m strong enough to continue missing something that far down the road. I’m just so confused right now. Should I throw up my hands and admit defeat and be sort of happy yet disappointed that I failed? Should I think that maybe, just maybe, I’ll be different and NOT want to smoke 6 months, 2 years, etc from now?

 

I think I technically know the answers to my own questions, but I guess I’m somehow hoping that if I post this, it will somehow make me realize that not smoking far outweighs my current frustration and will keep me from giving up.  

Thanks for listening.

MJ

19 Comments
About the Author
I'm 54 and have smoked since I was a teenager. I've tried to quit more times than I can remember over the last 30 years or so. Last year, I altered my lifestyle quite a bit in terms of living as closely as possible to the BlueZones (Power 9) theories. In other words, plant slant/whole foods nutrition, daily exercise that includes yoga, strength training, cardio, and tai chi. I try to maintain a healthy positive outlook on life. Needless to say, smoking does not fit in with these other lifestyle choices and I knew it was time to finally kick its "butt". :-) Pun fully intended! Smoking while otherwise living a healthy life seems utterly hypocritical and just out and out silly and counter-productive. I quit on 7/28/17 and there have definitely been some difficult days but I'm proud of myself for making this decision.