So....I've been here everyday since I quit 30 days ago. I don't post much but read just about every post/blog/question. In some ways, I've kind of replaced my "addiction" to smoking with an addiction to this site. LOL Much healthier addiction. But....in the past 30 days, I'd say I've had barely a handful of "good" days. I've read and re-read my "quit journal", going over all the reasons I wanted to quit. I've read and re-read Allan Carr's book, I've read and re-read "What to expect in the first four months" blog.
But...the last couple of days (Day 28-30) have been brutal. My resolve is completely breaking down and I'm not just getting craves that I can breathe away, talk myself out of, etc....it's wave after wave and it is truly wearing me down. I don't want just One....I want my old comfort zone. I'm so frustrated I don't think I'm even writing coherently right now.
Strange thing is I was able to get through several really stressful days without smoking. I'm not even under any particular stress right now. Just crazy missing my "old ways". To be terribly blunt, (and definitely do not mean to offend anyone whatsoever!) although I appreciate the honesty of those posting about how they are struggling to hold onto their quit months, even years later…that scares the heck out of me. I don’t think I’m strong enough to continue missing something that far down the road. I’m just so confused right now. Should I throw up my hands and admit defeat and be sort of happy yet disappointed that I failed? Should I think that maybe, just maybe, I’ll be different and NOT want to smoke 6 months, 2 years, etc from now?
I think I technically know the answers to my own questions, but I guess I’m somehow hoping that if I post this, it will somehow make me realize that not smoking far outweighs my current frustration and will keep me from giving up.
Thanks for listening.