Today is the 50th day since I put that last cigarette out, smack dab in the middle of No Man's Land. This is where the devil on the left shoulder starts poking his little trident into your neck and telling you lies. I've been here before, thankfully I was on EX then too. But even knowing when it strikes, what is triggering it, having my arsenal of tools, and the support of my Ex-er army doesn't mean it's smooth sailing through it. This is where I get that tug on the apron string to 'come home to papa' and feed the addiction. The NML craves are different than the first set of storms in the beginning. And they can be more powerful, a lot more. It's no longer figuring out what to do instead of smoke. It's also not the crazy emotional ride we had in the beginning. The NML is named correctly and the timeframe it covers is so well calculated.
Even though I've been here and beyond on last year's quit it doesn't make it any easier. Telling myself "Not One Puff Ever (N.O.P.E), Another Day Won Never Another Day One, I don't do that anymore, I AM a nonsmoker" or even "Humpty-Dumpty battleship horse pickles" can lose the power it had in the beginning. It's harder when I don't have anyone's support except my kids. My hubby has never said a damn thing about me quitting (he's never smoked). Not one GD thing! No acknowledgement at all since day one. This part of NML and the small cheering team that is my kids makes it so challenging and I'm sure I'm not alone on this one. Many of you are or have been in my place during your quits I'm sure. I have to cope with my own demons and the nicodemon at the same time. It's very tiring but I made a commitment and a promise to myself and my family that I have every intention of keeping. Me and the boys will celebrate my 50th day quit. My oldest just gave me a high five and a hug. Can't beat that.