Please Note: This post is long because it has to be in order for it to be helpful. Bear with me and read to the end.
The last time I quit which was October of 2017, I made it to 7 months before I started again. The overview on that was I became homeless instantly. That day started me smoking again. I finished my Chantix about a 2 months earlier and loved my new life as a non-smoker. After finding a good site in the woods to camp out laid down and took a quick nap then for a I walked to a friend's house 2 miles down the road, I bummed a smoke from her after her protest because I worked so hard for my quit but she finally gave in.
It's amazing how fast one puff leads to 2 => 3 => half a pack => whole pack a day. BUT the whole time during my relapse I kept feeling guilty about it and realized that I hated smoking. I really wanted my non-smoking life back! I knew that I had the motivation, attitude and tools to get back to my former self. What I didn't realize was how it fast ended up happening or what would I endure to get there. I got more Chantix and still smoked planning to quit after the 30 days you're allowed to smoke while cutting back from the end of the 3rd week. On day 13 I said "I'm so sick of this smoking crap. It's gotta go now." I haven't even taken a puff since and still on Chantix until I feel more confident that I won't have any cravings. I haven't and am much more than positive than before my last quit.
What is happening is that I my whole body shakes violently, I can't see straight because everything is spinning, I have no balance so it's hard to walk and I certainly can't drive, I want to vomit, I always want to sleep, food looks disgusting but I try to get nourishment and after getting hit by hurricane Florence no grocery stores or restaurants including fast food are either closed or have a VERY limited stock. Some of our roads arounds around us are still flooded. Talk about a major stress and yet I still refuse to smoke.
Only yesterday did I realise that I feel so awfull because I actually quit cold turkey. I hadn't cut down because it wasn't 'time' to cut down yet! This stage is when I used to give in just to feel better and go back to my responsibilities. But not this time! I am riding this out even though there are several new major stress factors that we are dealing with. I know a smoke isn't going to make them go away. Life happens in all it's glory or darkness. How I handle it and the actions I take do not include a cigarette.
I thank God, my family's support and help, the Ex community, and all the tools and knowledge I have learned on this site to get me back through the other side to freedom! If you feel you are struggling with your quit PLEASE use every resource available to you and every bit of strength you have to say "I don't need those anymore". You will be so happy you did!
Thanks for reading this long post. It needed to be this long to have an impact about the past, now, and future of a journey through to their life without smoking!
Julie
