DAY 34

[millon03]

I don't know why it took me so long to log on and catch up with everyone here! I got back from my trip late Thurs night but have not made it back here to check in! I am sorry if I worried anyone. I am at day 34! Whooo Hoo!!!  It was very easy to stay smober on my trip, no problems there. I don't think I ran in to anyone who smoked, at least not in the open. And it was so nice not to have to leave my room several times a night to get a nic-fix! What freedom!  And I didn't have to ask the boss to stop so I could smoke a cigarette, I didn't have to get back in the car to stink it up after having smoked! Freedom and I am sure that my boss and other coworker appreciated not having to smell stinky smoke!

Saturday night was my first real thought that I wanted to smoke. I was watching a show on the computer and the thought hit me to go ask my roommate for a cigarette. I just came out of left field. And I sat and thought about it for a good few minutes and I had to remind myself that I would have to ask for another, and another, and then I would have to get dressed and drive to the store and buy a new lighter and ashtray and my car and clothes and hair and breath would all start to stink again. And that first cigarette would not start the physical symptoms right away, but in a few days, a week, I would begin to cough and wheeze and choke, and then the fear would come back and I wouldn't be able to stop, not for years, if ever. For some reason it was really hard work to remember all of this and it took a few minutes to get the thoughts rolling. It was kinda scary. But I don't want to smoke, I love this freedom, I love not having to plan my day and my time around smoking.

I have other things to talk about but it will have to wait, I have to get back to work.

Peace and I missed you guys!

Melissa 34 DOF!