Share your quitting journey
I woke up thinking that this whole quitting business is just one big head game. Physically I feel like I am a non-smoker; lungs are clearer, sleep is deeper, skin is starting to recover a bit and feelings are a lot more bolder. When I wake up it is not with the hand of fear wrapped around my throat but a feeling of like, "yeah, you don't have to light up this morning!" Smell and taste are also a lot better as well. But I know from past attempts that all of these great things can be taken away, not by a cigarette, though that would happen, but by my attitude about quitting cigarettes. I remember on my last real attempt many years ago, I would sit by the hour and obsess over how hard quitting smoking was and how it would be a miracle if I didn't smoke and was convinced that this just HAD to be the HARDEST THING I HAD EVER DONE!!! Every day was like that and I would cry and bitch and moan and make all the people around me so miserable that they stopped wanting to be around me. I fought with my boyfriend and I consumed thousands of calories a day because that is what I thought I was supposed to do. Finally in my 4th month (I did it cold-turkey) my boyfriend broke up with me, and a bad break up it was, and I picked up that first cigarette. And if I am honest with myself, I was never so glad for a cigarette as I was for that one. Everyone else was too! That was in 2004 I think. I didn't know that one cigarette would lead to 14 more years of smoking. I didn't know. I didn't really care but deep down inside there was this feeling of being a failure and loser and fraud.
If I picked up a cigarette today I don't know if I could stop again. 14 years might turn into 24 years, if I was so unfortunate to live that long. Because I know if smoked another 24 years it would be ugly, really ugly and I would probably wish for death. Honestly, I don't think my lungs have another 10 years of smoking, let alone 24. So I won't, I just won't find out.
I blog here because I need to talk about it and I don't have anyone in my life that I can talk to about it everyday. I am surrounded by non-smokers and smokers who are in denial and don't want to be bothered by an Exer. I write here because one day I may need to come back and read about how it was for me as a new non-smoker and to remember the support that I get from this awesome community! I write (hopefully) to give another new non-smoker courage to write their own story. I write because I need to remember that this is just one big head game and I can beat the head game by just simply changing my attitude. Life is too short to be a piss-pot!
Peace and have a beautiful day!
M. DOF 15
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