Four years ago I fell into quitting smoking --very much to my surprise. For about three weeks I got ready to by dealing with the how of my upcoming quit---learning, thinking over my options, planning. As days passed, my plan evolved. For one thing, when I first decided I wanted to quit, I reflected on the last time I'd tried in 2009. I lasted 9 hours! That scared me. I didn't want to go down that false hope path again. At first and on my own I thought that I'd smoke, cut back and sooner or later quit when I was ready to--a vague plan. But I kept going online to get my bearings--and one site recommended setting a quit date rather than leaving it open ended. This made sense to me, although I set my quit date as to be determined by the carton I had on hand. I had no intention of giving up my last cig til it was smoked, yet I believed that that carton ought to suffice.
There was no secret sauce in my quit. And I had no special ability to quit. I chose the tools and ideas that made sense to me and realized that I could change them if the need arose. Like so many, I'd smoked a long time (didn't have enough of an understanding of the addiction). But I quit all the same--even cold turkey (and too much coffee--a mistake).
I'm sharing my pre-quit diary because it is sooooo typical. Anxiety, fear abounded.
One thing though, as I typed this up and got to October 3, I cried because I realized I was trying with all my heart back then, and had only a wing and a prayer. These things are enough to quit with. So now it is my four year anniversary not in quitting, but in making a start. That start is what matters to me. It gave me these near four years.
To those who are wanting to quit but not sure, just follow your path out--it is there for you to take.
Journal 2013
Sept. 13, 2013. Morning and sitting at my kitchen table. I was tabulating whether it would be worth it to repair my old piano, and by chance, realized how nutty it was to defend my cigarette budget (which I’d been doing for years) but worry about spending a few hundred on the piano.
I wondered, why not quit? Why not?
Sept 16, 2013. Went to KMart to snoop for E cigarette information. No luck, bought candy.
Pretty much spent most of the day in quit-smoking realm. Scoping out the nuts and bolts of it--went online toward end of the day and visited Vermont Quits and New Hampshire Quits...so am gaining strength cautiously.
Sept. 17, 2013. Went to Tbird on Washington Street. Checked out E cigarette. Woman was very helpful. Visited New Hampshire Quits and checked out links. Delay and cope exercises.
Sept. 23, 2013. Day #10 of going through all the typical steps of smoking cessation. Yesterday was the worst day and I’m still smoking! What a gas. Barely did anything of use. Ansy. Day was all over the place...tired of the quit smoking fight.
I suppose I’m having “ buyer’s remorse--what was I thinking?” I find this all to be mind blowing, and mostly I’ve been uneasy. Haven’t given up but last night I came close.
Everything is bothering me and I haven’t even quit yet!
Sept. 25, 2013. Parked in Tremont Square. A guy came begging for money as I sat in my car smoking. Turns out he wanted money for cigarettes. I gave him $5 and told him he was my lesson for the day--what desperation for a cigarette is. [He smirked when I told him I was quitting..a smirk that said, “yeah, right.”]
Sept. 29, 2013. Took a long drive for distraction.
Sept. 30, 2013. Have one pack left this morning from carton I bought over two weeks ago.
Oct. 3, 2013. Suppose I am anxious. Last day smoking. Tomorrow is test flight, free of training wheels.
Expectation--don’t worry if it does not go well--go back to last working stage and head toward quit goal. Hope I make it!!!
Oct. 4. First day of non-smoking! Yeah.Three weeks of hard work and now the time has come...for a lot of things.
Note: I never did use the E-cig, believing it best just to quit and be done.
