5 Days Until Surgery

Blog Post created by linkinkohl02 on Sep 16, 2018

My surgery is this coming Friday. I don't like to talk about it too much, but people feel it's okay to be completely invasive when you tell them you're going to be out of work for a week to heal from surgery (I've only gone so far to tell people this because when I do take time off, no one leaves me alone). So, I'll get right to it. My boobs are too big. They are keeping my back from healing. They're boobies, and 28 of my 30 co-workers are men (including my boss). Makes conversation a little awkward.


::Male co-workers avert eyes after looking at my chest::




If my doctor didn't recommend the surgery, I wouldn't even bother, to be honest. I don't look forward to the healing process. If you don't know the process, please read up on it. It's not a surgery to be taken lightly, and I have some crazy anxiety over it. I don't want the scars, the pain, or the helplessness.


I'll be doped up on pain medication for the first week, so my husband will have to do literally everything. The next 2-6 weeks after that? A little less helpless, no more pain medication. It is going to suck.


What isn't going to suck is having the perfect excuse to have my text messages blocked for the whole week. Those who've read my other blog posts know that my CSR is relatively annoying. She texts me on the weekend, she texts me when I'm off. She texts me when I'm asleep, she texts me when I'm 10 feet away from her. She does it to everyone. I have been telling her for two months I will be doped up on oxycodone for the week and won't make much sense, so don't bother me. I tried telling her not to bother me when I was off for 3 days in June and she completely ignored my request to be left alone - she almost lost her life because of it.


I will be hopefully binge watching my shows, and, if I feel up to it, working on this ever loving painting I want to be done with already. More likely, I will be stuck watching races on tv because, husband, and drifting in and out of consciousness while squished uncomfortably between two pillows on a recliner, because I have to sleep on my back and I have to be elevated during the healing process. 




Alright, enough pouting. I'm definitely going to try to make the best out of a poop situation. I'll be home with my loves and hopefully enjoying at least a little of it!


As for smoking... I am 15 days quit with no slip ups, but I still find it funny that I will occasionally have a craving. They're not overpowering cravings, but the human mind is strong in holding onto something that one has been doing for a long time. The nicotine isn't even in my system anymore! I don't think about it a lot, but one thing I will tell you. I miss pooping. Sorry for being crass, but this is straight up honest time.


I have had a regular schedule for the last 15 years. Not anymore, friends! I am now at a point where I am eating spicy food (I hate spicy food), taking probiotics, eating fiber, using miralax... almost anything to try to become regular again. I will not take magnesium, those pills are enormous, and I can barely take an Aleve without my life flashing before my eyes (side note, I bought pudding to put my medication in for surgery because I'm an adult child). Not going regularly makes me a grump. I don't take a full dose of miralax, so I think I will take the bottle recommendation and see where that gets me, then lower it from there.


Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get on here again to post a note before my surgery, but I will try to afterward. None of my family knows about my blog and that's how I like it, so I'm not going to have anyone monitor anything.


Until next time, in the words of Max (played by Walter Matthau) in Grumpier Old Men, 


"Arrivederci, Senorita."