Today was my first day back to work thanks to the longer holiday weekend. It's also my first quit day back to work without the help of Chantix or other medications/NRT. No one's heads were chewed off and all went home with heads, genitalia, and ego alike fully intact.
My day started off first with a pre-op appointment with my surgeon. It went much better today than it did the first time around, and I feel he's not out to ruin my life anymore (not that I did, I was just having an addict temper tantrum). He wasn't a grumpy pants at this appointment, perhaps because I took him seriously and quit. Or, it could be because he had a 3-day weekend and only starts work at 9am because he's a fancy pants. Either way, I'm not complaining. He was all smiles, I was all smiles, all of us were all smiles and I went on my merry way. Then, work. Fill me with dread.
I didn't have as much time in the day to try to come up with a distraction since I'd gotten a late start, though I did have some cravings. Here's where I'm going to take a tiny scenic route on my blog post "trip" here, but I promise we'll get back on the main road in a jiff.
For those recommending I seek a replacement for the hand-to-mouth obsession, in the time prior to my quit, I researched and purchased my two weapons of choice - harmless cigarettes and cinnamon toothpicks. For me, they help. The harmless cigarette is basically a dry vape in what can only be described as a tube the same weight and consistency as a pen cap, with a mint in it. I had a friend promise to quit with me when I did my trial quit, but she thought she looked stupid with it and felt like she was chewing on a pen cap. My stance on it then was the same as it is now - is it really more stupid than a lit cigarette in your mouth? I'm in no way endorsing these products, but rather letting those who had given suggestion know that I am actually doing something to help combat my cravings, and perhaps they'll help a future quitter. What I can say is that I think I prefer the toothpicks right now over the harmless cigarette because I'm already lightheaded, and breathing through a tube doesn't particularly help that.
Back to my main road! Whenever I had a craving today, besides the items mentioned above, I decided to take a break from working and come on the EX site. Thank you everyone for the suggestion, it helped take my mind off of it, even if it was for just a minute. Work isn't like home where I can just grab some paint and canvas or play with my animals, or enjoy my favorite pastime, napping. For now, the worst part is not knowing what to do with my life. I still feel an emptiness inside, but can't pinpoint what would fill that void, since everyone logically knows that smoking is not a friend. I just....
I know my fuse is short. My cat keeps trying to steal my Heluva Good dip and it's not so cute anymore (don't worry, no animals will ever be harmed by me). My email at work is lagging and I just about taught my computer how to fly today. My husband drove me to my appointment this morning and I complained to him because the sun was on me for too long. I know. I will pay for this someday.
The worst part of all of this, and I guess a point of advice I'm looking for in this seemingly never ending tangent is... how do I go about not strangling my most annoying co-worker, who I find more annoying than usual? It's not her fault I smoke. It is her fault that she doesn't have an inside voice and can't keep her nose out of anyone's business. I play nice until I feel like I'm actually nice, but it wears off. It takes a lot of work with her. Note: I have an office with a door that doesn't latch (I've been waiting 4 months for someone to fix it), she just moseys right on into my office whenever she pleases, when I'm having private conversations - I'm HR!
I'm not going to go off on another "detour" here because I could give examples of awfulness for hours, so I will just leave it at that!
Like Peter Pan, I have to think happy thoughts.