Day 5    .   .  

Blog Post created by lacimae84 on Jun 26, 2018

This is so much harder than I imagined it would be. On Day 2 I told my boyfriend that this won't be so hard. I didn't feel that bad. A little restless and drained but over all not that bad. Then Day 4 and 5 roll around. I mean Jesus!!!! I've cried two days in a row over nothing, I can't think straight, my eyes hurt, my sleep has been ****, I'm exhausted, my stomach is in knots  and my anxiety is through the roof. I feel like I'm losing it big time. I'm using Wellbutrin, the patch and the gum. I can't even imagine trying cold turkey. No wonder so many people go back without the help of meds. My hat is off to anyone who can do it cold turkey! I've thought about going back so many times today. It kinda made me feel ashamed. I keep feeling like I need to be somewhere (like on my back porch smoking). The sense of urgency to go outside is really strange. I know there is nothing out there. There isn't a pack waiting for me, or ever any half smoked butts. My boyfriend asked me today if I thought having just one would make me feel better. I didn't know what to say. Maybe or maybe not. Then he asked me if I thought it would be rewarding and after I thought about it I knew it wouldn't at all. I've never make it this far before but to be fair I've never really tried that hard. How is it possible for 5 days to feel like an eternity? I mean really, how much longer am i going to feel like this. Also I feel really bad for my boyfriend, I'm been a total B to him for the last fews days for absolutely no good reason. Can you imagine someone crying over the way you packed a suitcase? How ridiculous... I really hope I feel better tomorrow.