Down the drain

Blog Post created by kaycod2020 on Dec 7, 2020

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I smoked 6 cigarettes today I feel like I just flushed my quit down the drain. Maybe I'm not mentally ready to quit. I know I want to but do I really WANT to?. I don't want to keep putting myself in this position. Am I a quitter? Quite literally yes I feel like I'm giving up on quitting. I just don't have the strength for this battle anymore. It's like 1 step forward and 6 steps back. Every day is harder than the next I feel like I'm starving for crack. I was an addict before and this is just as bad. I mean just give me one hit and I'll be fine . I feel like I'm pulling my own teeth out.

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13 Comments

SimplySheri Dec 7, 2020 4:50 PM
The start of recovery is hard and you know that. I don't know that you have to want to quit but you have to be committed to it whether you want it or not. If you're not ready, you're not ready. And you know that as well I'm glad you're here and you can still hang around and gain some knowledge and maybe learn some good stuff. When you're ready, we'll be here for you. You're in charge and you get to decide.
Sheri
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maryfreecig Dec 7, 2020 5:00 PM
Almost no smoker really wants to quit, or at least face the anxiety that so often comes with early quitting.

Also, medications that interfere with the receptors have worked for some. If smart or cold turkey isn't working for you, maybe consider a different approach. There are more options open to you.

Your desire to quit will keep coming back until you do. Finding your way may not be easy, but it will fill you up in a way a cigarette never will.

Keep looking for a path forward that works for you--just because this attempt seems to have fallen apart does not mean you cannot quit. NO way! You absolutely can quit.
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Maki Dec 7, 2020 5:07 PM
" It's like 1 step forward and 6 steps back. Every day is harder than the next I feel like I'm starving for crack. I was an addict before and this is just as bad. I mean just give me one hit and I'll be fine . I feel like I'm pulling my own teeth out."

Even the steps backward are still steps forward . Its when you quit trying at all that I get concerned about . Please don't be discouraged . You are not a quitter , you are an addict and as an addict we get that stinking thinking we are quitters . You can change that thinking .

I am here for you too like Dancingthrulife when you are ready .
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YoungAtHeart Dec 7, 2020 5:08 PM
You don't have to want to quit - but you have to be WILLING to quit. If you get past the first couple of days, then a week, it WILL start to be easier. Giving up just puts you back to the awfulness again and again. Just get through it however you can, one hour, sometimes a minute at a time.
What did you do to distract yourself when that crave hit? You have LOTS of tools to use - an easy one being slow, deep breaths:

You need to exert self discipline in the early days - but it gets easier and easier to do. Did you keep any smokes around for "just in case?" If so, put them under running water, then in the trash. Keeping any around is just giving yourself permission to fail.
Stop putting yourself through this. The only way out of the addiction is through the early days. Blog "HELP" before you smoke the next time you are quit and are having a tough moment. Blogging AFTER doesn't do a thing except make you feel MORE awful!

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- maryfreecig @ YoungAtHeart on Dec 7, 2020 5:14 PM
  Self discipline is my nemesis--but so true, it's often the most important thing keeping us away from ruin.
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kristen-9.7.15 Dec 7, 2020 6:18 PM
Keep trying until a quit sticks! I must have tried quitting a gazillion times and finally one stuck! I’m over 5 years quit. You can and you will succeed! Don’t give up!
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sweetplt Dec 7, 2020 7:30 PM
You need to not “give up”... rework the program...make quitting your choice...not someone else’s...if you think quitting is bad...just think what it will be like when you can’t breath and want to quit...keep here and keep trying...Gotcha in my thoughts Colleen 735 DOF
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indingrl Dec 7, 2020 8:33 PM
Thanks for sharing - please gather YOUR Quit tools for when CRAVE hits - example hard candy peppetmints OR lemons - you bite into the lemon peel and all - it HELPS bring YOU back into the moment so YOU will learn NEW coping skills to respond differently to withdrawing from NICOTINE - life on lifes terms happens SUDDENLY - drink some water and take some DEEP breaths then come here to blog whats going on - another good tool is to have celery OR carrots OR cucumbers to CRUNCH as WILD emotions hit out of no where - EDUCATE yourself by reading blogs from EX team blogs OR Dr Hays OR Dr Hurt blogs - see what QUIT TOOLS will HELP you day by day - there are slogans to say out liyd each day as unexpected feelings HIT saying - n.o.p.e. - Not One Puff Ever - OR - s.i.n.a.o. - Smoking Is Not An Option OR saying out loud - I don't smoke anymore OR dancing to your favorite music to DO your OWN non smoker life style - I am glad YOU choose to live NICOTINE FREE
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elvan Dec 7, 2020 11:39 PM
Don't wait until you HAVE to quit because you are so sick and damaged from smoking. That's what I did and I can tell you that it is hard enough to quit but to be reminded of what your actions cost you is just horrible. You CAN do this, start over with a whole new commitment and NO CIGARETTES or lighters in your house or car or anywhere you can reach.
Ellen
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JACKIE1-25-15 Dec 8, 2020 7:58 AM
Addiction plays tricks with your head. You have to deprogram the thinking that you have to smoke. Come here often read study research. start with some positive self-talk instead of negative self-talk. Start saying yes I can. Believe that you can.
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Barbscloud Dec 8, 2020 9:45 AM
I'm someone that believes you have to want to quit. Even if you're doing it for health reasons, you still "want" to protect your heath. Etc. So, why do you want to quit? You're here and you're trying--do you have a reason that you can commit to? There is something to be said about being ready. Again, why do you want to quit? Are you doing this for yourself? I think many of my attempts to quit were because I though I "should" quit. I wasn't commitment to doing the work.
Try to put some positive spins on this. Stay with the site and educate yourself about the process. It's not easy, but there are many successful quitters here that are proof it can be done.
Try it for one day at a time and then build on that each day.
Barb
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Thesegoto11 Dec 8, 2020 8:17 PM
Quitting is hard, but don't be so hard on yourself. Took me five tries for it to finally stick.

So you smoked six? Then stop. Don't feel compelled to buy a pack and completely restart smoking again. Remember, the withdrawal symptom is caused by the previous cigarette.
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pamiam Dec 14, 2020 5:57 AM
I have also felt hopeless many many times!How many times have I gone and got one last pack!
Keeping busy binging on TV and food helped me. I would just go through days when I couldn’t even take a bath. But kept away from smoking, slowly my mood improved and I felt like a winner.
you are not a quitter ! You can do this.
sending prayers for you.
and love, lots of hugs !
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Down the drain

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