you know I had a dream of my dad the night he died, and hes even told me Rachel isn't ready for my help yet he talks to me in my dreams, I felt him when I walked across the stage when I got my associates degree in applied science. and someone told me he was protecting me till I graduated. once I was dropping of my friend chris and I was driving my vw bug, and I got surprised when someone stopped short and I slammed on the breaks and buy car skidded to the other side of of the road, I lit a smoke calm ed down and drove to baker to sign up up for school and I had no idea what was going to be studying until I I got to the registration I was going to say website design but I said massage therapy last second. I had no business being at college I only got a ged and I had no idea how to graduate or how to stay in school. I was a hard core chain smoker then. and I was in medical terminology basic massage therapy and maintaining body mechanics. aand I switched classes from basic massage and I ws driving for half an hour from Hillsdale to Jackson i
would leave at 7am to get to class by nine lol I realized I wasn't going to progress to next semester, and Rachel my sister told me I have a photographic memory. and I was bawling the first semester talking about how id be stuck in Hillsdale. but I got through it I got a b in medical terminology and start memorizing the muscle charts and the bones and Swedish massage techniques. I got an a in basic massage and an a in body mechanics, lol wow I made it and I was working at the library at baker lol and I figured our real quick what to do really quickly and started acting the part of college student and it was crazy amazing and I'm still surprised I graduated college lol my sister was telling a teacher from an alternative high school I was going to college and I was a high school drop out and he got it it and said holy shit what is she doing there? lol I felt like a co-op stealth spy I came in under the radar and I was tricking everyone. lol I had so much fun. I was even photo copying my book on free photocopy on sat at the library lol I got 40 books made, lol. I miss going to college but I graduated when i was 26 and found out I had ms when I was 28. now I don't do anything. And im going to be 38 in 7 days. sighs. I sorry im feeling like a grade a loser. yes its not my fault I was diagnosed with ms but this one disease slowed me down and it progressed so fast, and I went to college to change my life its changed I only make 9400 bucks a year but I don't ask my mom for any money because I make it work and I still manage to take chaos to the vet. and ive been raising chaos for 14 years hes the best thing ive ever did. hes taught me how to love unconditionally. hes standing in between my legs so I can pat his butt his purr makes me so happy. im not going to start smoking im just tired of being disable. and I still talke to my old college professor and he tells me my dad is proud of me.i already know but I just wish this didbt stop me. I dropped out of highschool because I saw how they where goijng to kill my creativity and I got a letter from my self from 8th grade all it said was "don't screw this up!" lol and as far as I know I didn't. goodnight me ex smoker family!
lots of love,
chaos and june
