Nobody starts smoking at age 39, except for idiots like me. In my 20's, when one could smoke in bars, the smoke made me feel sick unless I took a puff off someone else's cig, then I felt fine. Sometimes I would have a full cig, but I wasn't addicted. It was a useful coping mechanism and didn't seem to do me any harm. I didn't go to bars all that often anyway and I never had any cravings for tobacco.
Years later I was a pushover and didn't insist my (#$@!*) ex boyfriend smoke outside. He would light up, I would want just a puff, but he insisted I take one for myself. So I would smoke the whole thing. Before I knew it I was addicted. The jerk is out of my life but the smoking has lasted for years. Just another example of my lack of a backbone causing me grief.
I have forgiven him for the crap he put me thru (very long tale of woe) but on some level I haven't forgiven him for turning me into a smoker, even though my brain knows it was all my doing.
