janetto

Nobody starts at age 39...

Blog Post created by janetto on Jul 27, 2017

Nobody starts smoking at age 39, except for idiots like me. In my 20's, when one could smoke in bars, the smoke made me feel sick unless I took a puff off someone else's cig, then I felt fine. Sometimes I would have a full cig, but I wasn't addicted. It was a useful coping mechanism and didn't seem to do me any harm. I didn't go to bars all that often anyway and I never had any cravings for tobacco.

Years later I was a pushover and didn't insist my (#$@!*) ex boyfriend smoke outside. He would light up, I would want just a puff, but he insisted I take one for myself. So I would smoke the whole thing. Before I knew it I was addicted. The jerk is out of my life but the smoking has lasted for years. Just another example of my lack of a backbone causing me grief.

I have forgiven him for the crap he put me thru (very long tale of woe) but on some level I haven't forgiven him for turning me into a smoker, even though my brain knows it was all my doing.

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