I Think I Can, I Know I Can

[indie_grrrl]

This is going to be my 3rd attempt at quitting smoking. I have been smoking since I was 15 or 16. I am truing 30 in May. I have always told my self that I wanted to quit by the time I was 30. That day is coming fast. 

I am currently sick for the 3rd time in the last 2 months. I know it's because of my smoking. I have been in denial about the decline of my immune system for a while but now it's affecting my work and my life.  

I have quit cold turkey before. The physical detox was the easy part. After a couple of days, I felt the better physically but my depression increased drastically. I would try to get myself out of it. I would meditate and take walks and draw but I couldn't shake my sadness. When all was said and done, I couldn't get out of bed. I would cry myself to sleep and cry when I woke up.

In the end, I started smoking again because I was sick of living in a dark hole. 

I wish and I hope that now that I am aware of what happens to me when I stop smoking, I can do what I can to push through the sadness.