Rocky Road to Recovery

Blog Post created by harderthanirealized on Oct 18, 2018

Hi Fellow Ex Members. I'm trying to quit and most days I have been successful. I have used a vape for HARD moments that I can't seem to shake, but haven't smoked an actual cigarette. BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP!!!! I got a reminder from EX yesterday---If you don't want to slip stay away from slippery situations. Really hard to do when my husband has gone back to smoking full time. I have not bought a pack of cigarettes, which I'm proud of, but I feel like I'm telling myself "NO" constantly; much like a child. I feel very childish in this journey right now. Crying because I'm not getting my way in the moment. Crying because my husband is still mad at me and refuses to speak to me for my behavior the other day and for my desire to want to smoke even though I'm pregnant. He says "You're pregnant Allison and I'm not; therefore you can't smoke and I can." I want this to be a journey in WHICH I NEVER RETURN TO, but God it's so hard. I just hope that my current mood and depressed feeling isn't hurting my baby in the womb. Blood pressure was high yesterday even after stopping smoking. I'm scared on so many different levels. I hope and pray I make it through this. I'm trying to walk more, eat healthy (Dr told me yesterday to not gain more than 20 pounds during pregnancy) and focus on the positive things in my life. It did hurt when my chart reflected I'm still a daily smoker even though I told my doctor that I had stopped.