well i did not realize until yesterday i can reply to the blog responses, they were coming to my email, so thanks for all the inspirations on Monday. well today is the BIG quit day, Day one. I smoked the last cigarette just under the wire at 11:55 last night and threw the remaining 4 in the pack down the spiral sink.
this morning was an awakening in a small panic, lying in bed not wanting to get up thinking if i just sleep a little longer it will go away......not the case so i dragged my butt outta bed and headed down stairs, put the coffee on and took my daily regiment of meds. with the little bowl of berries on the counter and the oatmeal spinning in the microwave and the little white filtered sticks in the wife's purse calling (you know you can have just one) she wont miss it and no-one will know, I said the hell with this. The oatmeal hit the trash can, berries went down the sink and "change your routine, stay occupied" took over. for the fat i am not supposed to have the bacon started sizzling in the pan, to offset the cholesterol medication 2 eggs cracked into a bowl. 2 REAL eggs mind you not from a carton, straight from the hard white shell, 2 slices or WHITE bread slid gently into the toaster, you know the carb rich no protein no nutritional value stuff that turns golden brown and melts real butter with its warmth the stuff that cuts into little hard squares not the stuff that comes in the square tub and melts into an oily goo that is supposed to be better for you.
Having occupied my mind and hands the task was complete, looking down at the plate staring back at me the bacon mouth smiling, the toast ears balancing on the edge of the plate, the two shiny yellow eyes staring up at me. everything i had desired and was denied for so long wasn't enough. there was something still missing, a craving to top off this miracle with something truly special......you guessed it and i knew just where to find it. deep in the depths behind the milk and soda there it was, that tangy sugary citrus orange juice bottle, and yes a large glass was poured. I still wanted a smoke after the fabulous meal but grabbed my lunch bag and ran to the car, so now at work the stress dodge will begin but the morning (my anticipated hardest time) was at least for today over.