There is a light haze over my part of the playground this morning. It took some time for me to figure out what it was. It has been an exciting week on the playground, with the wonderful Bonfire all weekend, and the discovery of the “No Mans Land” obstacle course. And of course, I have enjoyed just hanging out with other Exers, from Newbies to elders.
I realize there are two things going on. The first, of course, is the bully nicotine. He has been wearing me down a bit as of late. I know I can NEVER have one puff, and that has kept me strong, but he has been a bit more persistent this last week. He points out where I used to buy them. He pointed out that the rhythm of my day has changed. He points out those others are just as happy as me and they are smoking.
The other part of the haze is those who I have gotten to know here who seemed to have abandoned the playground. I know that many who come here won’t make it this time. I know I cannot control other people’s success or failure. But I miss them. There are too many swings not being used. Too many Tonka Trucks stand idle in the sandbox. And there is almost never a line at the slide anymore.
And so I hope the sunshine of this website will burn away the haze. It will help me put in perspective the choices people make in working through their addiction to nicotine. They have to decide for themselves, discover on their own, how to deal with it. Just like I need to do.
So if you are looking for me, I will be walking through the woods, looking for lizards, tree frogs, and snails, and other cool stuff. I will be dealing with the bully nicotine, and I will think of my friends who are here for me. I will not smoke, and yes, I will continue to keep nicotine’s lies from getting to me. And I will hope the haze clears soon.