I can see it so clearly, it is like it was yesterday. Actually, I can see all three. They all came into the world healthy and screaming. I held them when they were minutes old. For the first the nurse was surprised how comfortable I was in holding him. I explained that he was part of me, and holding him was just natural for me. I took them each to their mom, and allowed her to hold them, and let them nurse for the first time.
Needless to say, my endorphins went through the roof!
Do you remember the sound of the roller coaster, you know, the old wooden ones, as the coaster clicked its way up the track to the first, big summit. It seemed to hang there for a few moments, teasingly, and then would let go as the cars feel down the first hill, hitting the bottom and racing up the next one. By the end of the ride, I had almost endorphined in my pants!
I could tell you stories about my first kiss, my daughter getting confirmed, my son getting his masters, or my endorphin filled honeymoon. All of these beautiful memories come back to me, sometimes as a result of something happening, sometimes out of the blue. And when those memories come back, I wish I was their again, feeling those endorphins cruising through my body.
I do not expect smoking to be any different. At 30 something days I am at now, or at a year, or at 10 years, I expect my body to remember those endorphins I got from smoking, and yes, desire them. I expect it to happen. I know why it will happen. I will deal with it when it happens. And it will pass, and I return to the healthy memories, like little Zacky riding his bike for the first time.
