As we prepare for our quits, we identify triggers so we can have weapons ready to fight them. I missed a big one.
My parents believe that I was successful in my quit about 7 years ago. I have been faking it for them since. That means showering before I go over, and not smoking until I get home from their house. It is about every month and 1/2, for a few hours for dinner. It was tonight. I believe this would be fine because I never smoked there anyway.
In the last 7 years, every time I went over I trained my body to yearn for tobacco while I was at their house and to expect it as soon as I left. It hit me good.
Knocked me on to my Tushie.
Lots of deep breathes. Chewing gum so hard I bit a hole in my lip. But I am home now, and did not give in. Am preparing in case there is some left over urges when I drive to work in the morning.
I am Okay. I am surviving. But, yes, the urge is still here, and I am again reminded that I am addicted, and I will not give in.
I think I will go scream into my pillow for 10 minutes too!