I am terrified...but determined.
I don't "really" want to quit but I know I have to. The pros vs cons were undeniable
PROS of SMOKING
• I like it
• It makes me feel a (deluded) sense of anxiety relief
• If I'm smoking, I'm not anxious about the times I can't smoke
CONS OF SMOKING
• My second-hand smoke is probably killing my husband - selfish of me.
• My car stinks and is COVERED in ashes
• I stink and have to overdose on Febreze before I go into work
• I have to find excuses to leave work ("I need another cup of coffee...can I get anyone anything?" - [I'm actually dying to light up the second I hit my car, and I have plenty of coffee already])
• It's KILLING me
• I've developed smoker's cough
• I lose my voice all the time
• No one I spend time with smokes, so I spend a lot of time bundled up, outside smoking alone, then apologizing for how bad I smell afterward
• Did I mention it's KILLING me?
• It is probably a factor in my pain/energy levels fighting Fibromyalgia and CFS
I'm sure I could come up with more, but I think the point has been made.
I'm using Chantix, which helped me the last time. Thankfully I've never had the negative side effects others have had while on it, though my dreams are wild. No real emotional effects.
I'm stuck on an absolute quit date though. The more I think about quitting, the more I want to smoke. Stupid catch 22.