Update on Ellen aka @elvan

[elvan]

I am sincerely humbled by all of the comments on my blog and all of the prayers and support I have received.  I wish I could tell you that we know what is going on with my son but, the fact is, we have no idea and he is not improving.  His personality is in a steep decline because of his frustration.  He feels useless (it is a feeling I am quite familiar with).  I talked to him today as I do pretty much every day, he said that the pain just keeps getting worse and that he does not know what to do, his next appointments are next month.  I don't know how to encourage him at this point. 

The cafe will be staying open until the end of September, I applied at the university in town where I have worked before. They ran a background check and just got results today, they want me to start on the 8th.  The job is as a cashier in the main dining area for undergraduates.  I love students and I am sure I will enjoy being around them although my former boss at the the law school says that she does this job in the summer and that it is not one that allows interaction with anyone.  She also said she THINKS it is sitting for the entire time...I CAN'T sit for any length of time or my back spasms will take over my life.  Seriously, if I have to drive over an hour, I am in screaming pain, no matter what I do.  I am not sure about parking, the garage is a very long ways from where I will be working and I had difficulty walking that distance when I worked at the bookstore years ago.  That was when my COPD was nowhere near as bad as it is today...I have to ask if they will provide handicapped parking..  I also have to ask about standing and if they can accommodate that need.  I filled out the application on line last week and I was called within 15 minutes of submitting it and asked when I could start.  I was a bit taken aback and I didn't ask any questions.  He asked what size uniform I need and I said, "uniform?"  He said that they have staff wear polo shirts...oh joy.  I told him the largest one he has so I won't feel uncomfortable,.  He asked if I wanted a men's xl and I laughed and told him it would probably come down below my knees.  I told him that I am not big but my back is twisted and I would prefer not to have that be too obvious.  He seemed really nice if a bit anxious to find someone.  I will work Sundays from 10 to 5...he asked if I could do 10 to 7 and I said there was NO CHANCE.  I do think this will be a much less physical job than the cafe but I really loved working at the cafe and helping them out.  I just cannot afford to work for nothing.  There are several staff members who are doing just that.  They are young and do not have responsibilities.  I have to sign papers at Human Resources tomorrow before 4:30 and I will try to ask them the questions I have.  I will also set up direct deposit which I was supposed to have through the cafe but it kept getting switched back to checks...I have not been paid for the last three shifts I have worked but I have been assured that I WILL be.  Oh dear God.

My husband is going to have cataract surgery at the end of September and will need to be driven to and from the hospital three times in that week...I HATE driving.  He is also supposed to be scheduled for a possible series of three epidurals because of back pain.  That would be in the opposite direction, another hour plus drive each way.  I don't know the dates of those appointments yet.

Our youngest daughter came for the weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment with her.  It was her father's birthday and she wanted to be here, she also wanted to help prepare his birthday dinner.  I had made a chicken enchilada casserole that just needed to be taken out of the fridge while I was at work and I made his favorite birthday pie...key lime.  She helped with serving and with dishes and she took us out to dinner the next night at a restaurant where I have not eaten in years.  The food was wonderful.  We watched a movie Sunday night and she left Monday morning to get back to NYC.  It is an 8 hour drive each way and I was nervous about her making that drive on a Holiday weekend, by herself but she did fine.  She made it back there and said she was really glad that she came.  She said she would see me in October and I said, "What?" She wants me to come and see her new apartment which has two bedrooms so I will have a place to sleep when I come.  I told her that I have to have oxygen while I am there and she said we will work it out.  She wants to pay to fly me there and back.  I also told her I am starting this new job and the last thing I want to do is to ask for time off when I just started.  I am not sure she has any comprehension of how tired I am all the time.  I try very hard to hide that fact but I cannot do it for very long.

I just want you to all know how much I appreciate you being in my life and how much your support has meant to me these past several days...actually these past 5 1/2 years plus.  I cannot be here as much as I used to because I am too worn out but I am trying.  I miss being here all the time but I am trying to read blogs and keep up as much as possible.

Love and thanks, 

Ellen