Just a head's up

Blog Post created by elvan on Aug 26, 2019

I may not be around much for the next bit of time...not sure how long.  It looks like the cafe is closing which means I really need to find a job.


My son is in constant pain and no one seems to be able to come up with a diagnosis, they are considering MS at the top of the list because he cannot feel his legs with the same sense that he used to, his vision is blurry, he has a violent and constant headache and he has a severe and chronic prostatitis.  In other words, you name it, he HAS it.  The GOOD news is that he quit smoking...again almost two weeks ago.


The pressure on his marriage is horrible and he has asked if he can stay with us for a while.  I reminded him that his sister is coming Friday and saying until Monday.  I have ONE guest room and I suspect the sofa would be uncomfortable although I have never TRIED it.  He and his sister do not really get along very well.  Saturday is his father's birthday and I have planned a dinner that includes chicken and NON GLUTEN free ingredients.  I did not expect him or his family to be here, I thought I was working and that the cafe was going to be open.  I am not sure I would be very comfortable having the family here anyways under these circumstances.  I love my step grandson, but I DO believe he is on the autism spectrum.


My cats have fleas and I am flea coming them every day as well as vacuuming my house every day and washing any blankets they slept on...I have not found fleas ANYWHERE except on them..  I am not talking about a LOT of fleas, just a few at a time but I want NONE.   


I have not physically recovered from working on Saturday and now this stress is seriously impacting my pain.  I am going to try to pick up some things in the yard, small branches and stuff and perhaps weed whack the stuff that comes up to my thighs.  My daughter in law cleaned out half of our front gutters yesterday where we actually had TREES starting.  The other side of the front and the back still have to be done.  I cannot do the back because it is way too high and the ground is too unstable.  I don't want my husband to do it because he can't SEE, his back is painful, and if he starts having chest pain, he cannot be up a ladder.  Obviously, our son cannot be climbing ladders either.  I am waiting for him to call me for a ride to the house.  He gets seriously angry with me if I don't absolutely agree with him about his step son.  My son is OCD and now that he is stuck at home, a piece of lint on the floor is enough to set him off, he does all of the housework, laundry, dishes, etc...and his step son is 13...they are BOTH acting like they are the same age.  His step son seems to purposely do things he knows will set Damon off...this morning, he threw a 32 oz container of yogurt at the kitchen wall.  He has knocked over bookcases in his bedroom right after it was cleaned, he is seriously angry.  This was supposed to be his first day at school.  Instead, after he came very close to punching Damon...they do NOT physically punish him...he ran away, out of the house and to who knows where...he did not have any shoes on.   This is the second time he has run away in less than a month.  It's a mess...my daughter in law is overwhelmed with guilt feeling like she is torn between the two of them.  I have tried to remind my son that HE is the adult here and he cannot take things personally that a 13 year old does.  That sets him off and he yells at me.  THAT will not continue, I am not going to take on his anger.


Sorry this sounds so dismal, it is not hopeless but it sure feels close to that right now.  I have no desire to smoke, I know that would not help ANYTHING, I am way past believing that it would.  I will be back when I can but, for now, I just cannot keep up with my life and the site.  You are all stronger than this addiction and that is saying something since this addiction lifts emotional weights when we are not looking.  It knows our weaknesses but we know ITS weaknesses too...it hates to be ignored.  


Love to all of you...say a little prayer for my screwed up family.