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Share your quitting journey

Losing a Quit

elvan
Member
17 39 466

..How saddened I was to have to come clean to my family, AGAIN.  My oldest would tell me not to be so hard on myself, she was a smoker back then, my son would tell me that I could try again when I was "ready"...he is still a smoker.  My husband who quit when our youngest was a little over a month old (she is now 28 and never smoked)....would just look sad and tell me that I needed to figure out why.  I always knew why...it was always a stuff down those emotions time.  My youngest would look at me and her eyes would fill with tears, she wouldn't say anything, she didn't HAVE to. She was the last one I told when I quit this time...I really did know, in my heart of hearts, that I would never smoke again but I did not EVER want to see those tears again.  I didn't tell her until it had been over three months, she was teaching in South Korea so she didn't see me through the beginning months.  When she came home, I had been quit for over 11 months...she just put her arms around me and said, I ALWAYS KNEW you could do it and that you WOULD do it....ALWAYS.  She had more faith in me than I had in myself.

 

It is NEVER worth that one puff because it never stops there...at least it never did for me and I am SO SORRY every time I recognize another thing I cannot do because of all of the damage I did...don't BE ME!  You can't UNDO this damage.

Ellen 1558 days of freedom

39 Comments
About the Author
Retired RN, worked ICU/ER developed RA in early 90's, unable to work because of brittle bones from high dose steroids. Diagnosed with COPD 5 yrs ago but sure it was there and progressing long before. Live with severe chronic pain, degenerative disc disease, had both upper lobes of my lungs removed in 2015. Struggle with shortness of breath. Work in son's cafe as a cashier 2 days a week to be around people. I am a people/animal person. Lost my home and three cats in a fire on my ten month anniversary of quitting smoking. Never thought of smoking, knew it wouldn't help anything.