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Share your quitting journey

Might have been the worst day yet

elvan
Member
0 14 220

My youngest daughter wants to go with me to the hospital first thing in the morning...leave here at 7:00 and see if we can talk to the doctor who has been incredibly elusive since the surgery.  The nurse this afternoon said he may have an ICU psychosis...they medicated him today with THREE anti-psychotic medications...I also found one of his pain pills on the floor.  I gave it to the nurse and I was very, very polite, I asked her if he had perhaps missed half a dose.  I HATE the pain medication he is on, he gets more and more agitated when it is given.  I have asked four nurses to please request a different medication because he is seriously out of his mind.  He is intensely angry with everyone but mostly me.  He glares at me and tells me that I must be nuts.  I told him that I won't argue that point.  My back is killing me and my poor shoulder, chest, and arm are throbbing from the cane.  I need sleep but it isn't going to be tomorrow.  My daughter HAS to get back to Brooklyn because of her job...she has been working from here but she needs to be at her own home base.  My son took me to the hospital today...I honestly think I do alright alone but they are coddling me.  She needs to catch a train or a bus on Thursday and it won't be until after dark, I cannot drive in the dark, I cannot see. It is an hour and a half away.  Her brother says HE will take her IF she asks him.

I spoke with the caseworker and we absolutely cannot qualify for Medicaid but she is going to see if there is any way to qualify us for the hospital's private charity.  I will have to submit reams of paperwork but I will do that if they can help at ALL.  She said he might qualify for Medicaid for skilled nursing or rehab but everyone is fearful of how much more confused he might be if he is not in his home environment.  I CANNOT care for him alone, I accept that.  He is a big man and I am a bent little woman.  I am terrified that they will have to restrain him again tonight...basically the medications are chemical restraints.  He is SO far out of it. This is so incredibly stressful, thank GOD that I don't smoke, I would be puffing my way into a grave.  

I have to call the hospital and see what is happening tonight, my daughter wants me to make it clear that I want to speak with the doctor tomorrow.  I am so overwhelmed...JonesCarpeDiem‌, I tried videos and books on tape which he normally really likes but he cannot stay still or listen or watch anything, he is clearly psychotic at the moment and I cannot reach him.  Yesterday was BETTER.  My son thinks I should rest tomorrow, my daughter really wants me to go with her to the hospital.  I think I HAVE to go and if we go really early, I should be able to rest in the afternoon...I HOPE.

Love to all...YoungAtHeart‌, I laughed out loud at your PT experience, forward or backward.  PLEASE rest when you can, big hugs.

Ellen

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About the Author
Retired RN, worked ICU/ER developed RA in early 90's, unable to work because of brittle bones from high dose steroids. Diagnosed with COPD 5 yrs ago but sure it was there and progressing long before. Live with severe chronic pain, degenerative disc disease, had both upper lobes of my lungs removed in 2015. Struggle with shortness of breath. Work in son's cafe as a cashier 2 days a week to be around people. I am a people/animal person. Lost my home and three cats in a fire on my ten month anniversary of quitting smoking. Never thought of smoking, knew it wouldn't help anything.