I went to see my husband this afternoon and my son said he had been asking for me all morning. He is NOT in his right mind...he is completely disoriented, trying to push himself up in bed...he was warned prior to surgery that he CANNOT do that because he will separate the sternum. He is in terrible pain, they discontinued his IV pain pump because that is their policy. They gave him pills for his pain while I was there and I watched him getting more and more agitated within 20-30 minutes. He is swearing at people, trying to get out of bed, talking about the fire and he says it was "clearly" arson...WHAT???? I stayed all afternoon and then I got the feeling that my being there was contributing to his agitation and most definitely not helping me. I have HAD to use a cane the last couple of days because my back is so bad and my balance is completely off...as a result, my forearm is swollen and tender along with all of my joints. He is not deep breathing and coughing and they HAVE to get them to do that...he may have one chest tube pulled tonight but I am not sure, they said his pain would be somewhat better after that. I know that when I had my lung surgery, the pain was significantly better when the chest tubes were removed. I called the unit tonight and spoke with the nurse in charge and she said that she believes he is experiencing anesthesia delirium and she thinks it is entirely possible that seeing me made him more agitated. I told her I am not coming back tomorrow, I HAVE to get some rest, she said that is certainly understandable. I am so tired and so overwhelmed...I need to be sure the house is as ready as I can possibly get it before he comes home. I also need to make sure that I am ready. She said he could be like this through next Wednesday so I told her he is NOT coming home like that. I tried to meet with the social worker today but she was off. I will have to talk to her Monday. I will also check into home care, I cannot do this drive every day...actually, my daughter has been doing all of the driving but she is not going to stay forever. My oldest daughter and my granddaughter left for NY this morning. My granddaughter starts classes Monday and my daughter is working double shifts for the next four days. My youngest is still here, she does not know for sure when she is leaving.
That's the latest...I cannot WAIT to have my life back, even if it is forever altered, I need my home and my cats and my exercise bike...
Love and thanks,
Ellen
