Along my hike to freedom, I decided it would be a good time to reflect and celebrate (my upcoming) one month by enjoying a camping trip this upcoming weekend. There are times when I go camping just with my dog, Cory. Though I really enjoy camping trips with my wife, I also enjoy time alone, the solitude puts me in touch with nature and the Creator as well as time to reflect on my life.
Here on the cusp of No Man's Land, it seems that for me anyway, things are now getting harder. For some reason, the first couple of weeks were not endless torture for me. But now the psychological aspect is starting - I know from previous quits, that shaking the psychological aspect is the hardest for me. As the days have accumulated smoke free, my mind wants to start romancing smoking, the thoughts of smoking are becoming more prevalent. Questioning why I quit, why I continue to torture myself, telling me I should just go back now - you know you enjoy it (or so it TRIES to tell me!). Observing others smoking and having to remind myself, "They have to!".
I so yearn for the day that I don't think about smoking at all, yet I know, it lies further up the trail. There are lessons I still need to learn - knowing myself better, accepting not only myself (with all my faults) but also what life brings my way. Growing spiritually, making amends to those I may have hurt. Whatever comes my way, I intend to get there - to know the peace and freedom that awaits me!
I should not be apprehensive - I believe I have laid a firm foundation for my quit. Yet, uncertainty wants to creep in. Part of me is already thinking about sitting around the campfire in the evening, a time when I would smoke numerous sickerettes. What's it gonna be like stoking the fire? Doing chores around the campsite? Having coffee in the cool, crisp morning air?
I will breathe deeply - enjoying the fresh air and soak in the fact that this is the new normal. Different but BETTER!! In the evening, I will think back over the day spent hiking and how nice it was to breathe easier, how nice not to stop and catch my breath and then smoke. I also intend to journal some - putting into words where I've been thus far on this journey and what may lie ahead. If rough times come ahead, I want to remember where I've been and be prepared.
Most of all, I will -
be grateful every night for being smoke free,
remind myself every morning how great it is to be smoke free,
give thanks and ask for strength from God as I continue on the trail to freedom.