I like to refer to the addiction that hounds me as the little monster. I prefer thinking of him as little, cause I don't want to give him any power. Of course, he is a monster, trying his best to convince me to smoke. He doesn't care about anything else - just wants his fix! There's more to it than that, of course - there's the fact that smoking has been a part of my life for a long, long time. It's the adjustment of not doing what I've always done at certain times, certain situations.
There's the times that he's just a little monster pestering and then there's the times, he's Godzilla! Such was the case yesterday. My day started off positive - actually noticed I was able to pay attention during church, a couple of weeks ago, all I did was think about smoking. Later in the day, I decided to do some yard work - put away the snow blower (Yay!) and break out the lawn mower. All was well until I went to start the trimmer - wouldn't start. I discovered the spark plug was broken, went to the store to get one, put it in, the trimmer would start but wouldn't stay running. Went through this for a good half hour trying to figure out what was going on. All the time, the little monster was growing. Finally gave up (I don't think the guy at the store gave me the right plug). Didn't get done what I'd hoped to for the day.
By now I was tired and frustrated - the battle began:
You know after working in the yard, how you'd enjoy a smoke!
Oh, but you're wrong - you were the only one who really enjoyed the smoke!
You know you quit so you'd feel better, have more energy, but you don't, do you? Might as well just give up now, quit torturing yourself!
Don't think so! It's only been a couple of weeks - besides I'm frustrated which makes me feel tired.
That's it!! You're frustrated - just think how a relaxing smoke would calm you down...
That's a false narrative! Only thing it calmed down was you!!
This was about when it hit me - Godzilla vs. Me!!
I started playing it out in my mind, even imagining the lips were moving and a few seconds later would come the voice! That got me to laughing!! - Godzilla was defeated.
Maybe you'll catch this bad movie late one Friday night!!