The Journey Begins

[dwwms]

Day 1 -

Woke up early, too early. Of course, my thoughts immediately went to never smoking again. Laid in bed for 2 hours mulling things over in my head - fought off the apprehension, told the monster to SHUT UP! Went over my plan in my head before I got up and just after I got up I prayed to God asking for the strength for just today. I'll thank him tonight and ask for strength again tomorrow.

Got my coffee, looked at the screen porch door, wanted a smoke. NOPE - couldn't anyway, don't have any. Got moving - after a shower, got ready to take the dog for a walk. At this point, I decided to use my NRT lozenge. That's part of my plan. I thought about going cold turkey (and realize that it actually is the most successful way) but thinking about my history and the times that I've tried before, I didn't think that would work for me.

The only time I quit cold turkey was very early on in the 40 year addiction - only about 4 years after starting. The other times I tried it, I never lasted more than a week. My other quits involved weaning myself off (there use to be an electronic device that you used to gradually make yourself quit - I don't think it's available anymore). That quit lasted 6 months. Once I quit with nicotine gum, lasted 3 months. Once with the patch, lasted almost 3 months. The last time was using Chantix - it was that experience that made me realize that the psychological addiction for me is tremendous. That quit didn't make it 2 months - and I didn't like the effect that Chantix had on me. Even my wife commented that it seemed to make my anger worse than other times I'd tried to quit.

Anyway, I decided to use the lozenge this go around so I could concentrate on the psychological addiction first and then wean myself off the nicotine. I've done that before, so this time, along with the proper attitude and all the support I'm finding here, it will lead to success!!

I know I have a long way to go yet, but I'm feeling pretty good - saw somebody right outside my window stop and light up. Rather than thinking oh, I wish that was me - my thought was too bad you need those to satisfy the monster!!

Thanks again for all the support - it's definitely touched me and is making all the difference in my attitude.

Doug

Oh yeah - one last thing