Frustrated at Myself

Blog Post created by desiree465 on Jun 14, 2018

I posted at the beginning of this month about how my quit is being tested. My mom has been staying with me every other week since mothers day because she broke her ankle due to being drunk and falling. It has been a trying time to say the least. In the beginning I was so amazed that I didn't loose this quit because she is a very very stressful person to be around. She's very negative as it is and now she can't drink because #1 me and my family told her us or alcohol and #2 if she puts any weight on the leg with the cast she could damage her ankle to the point of needing surgery. You'd think that those two things would be enough to scare a person into not drinking but as we all know addiction is an a-hole.  Me and my sister couldn't take care of her last weekend so we brought her home and her cousin was going to stay with her. Well he brought her wine and of course she got drunk. When I found out I can't even tell you guys how much I wanted to just say screw it and smoke. I really think that if there had been a cigarette in the house I may have thrown all this hard work away. It's really bothering me that I felt that way and I wonder if I really would have done it if a cigarette were available. It makes me feel like at any moment I could give up. And for the most part I have had a really strong quit, there was one other time I almost lost it in the last 5 months. This all happened sunday into monday and I gotta say that this last week I have been on shaky ground. I have had several strong cravings that felt like they did in the beginning of my quit. I was so hoping that those kind of cravings were behind me. I'm proud of myself for not smoking but I'm annoyed at myself for letting this all get to me because I know that smoking isn't going to help the situation. It WILL however make it worse.