I almost relapsed Sunday. Me and my husband had a rotten fight. He's kind of a homebody and I'm the complete opposite of that. So over the years I've learned to do things and go places on my own even if I'm a third or fifth wheel. But over the past year I've kinda been pushing him to do more things with me. Mostly because I don't think it's good for a marriage when one spouse is out and about all the time sharing fun memories with everyone but their S.O. But a pattern has started to emerge that my husband seems to think I don't notice. Anytime I ask to do something with him or right before (like a week) we are getting ready to do something fun he gives me the silent treatment. Honestly I've never met someone who gets mad about going on vacation or just out to dinner. Anyway I had made plans months ago to go to this concert with our friends and asked him if he wanted to come. He acted miserable about it so I said you don't have to come, their are other people who really want to go and will take your ticket. I said this to him several times. Instead he choose to go and give me the silent treatment and mope around the house all day sunday. I ignored it because I gave him every out and I wasn't going to let him emotionally punish me for wanting to do something with him. So we get to the concert and as usual he does a complete 180 when we get around our friends. However, a couple times he got nasty at the people around us and as we were leaving he mouths off to a worker who was opening up the doors to let everyone out. Apparently she wasn't moving fast enough so of course because of him I get shoved! Well I said some choice words to her and he got mad at me! On the way home he proceeded to tell me how I'm responsible for his unhappiness and basically I'm a horrible wife. The shit part is that I am or was happily married (apparently I was the only one). I knew he didn't like when I made plans for us but I really had no idea that he felt the way he did. He pushes his emotions down and I guess he choose sunday to let years of repressed anger out on me. So when I got home I packed my stuff, got my dog and left for my moms. I pulled into wawa and was ready to give in. I thought about how much better I would feel once I got that cigarette. I think I probably sat outside the store for a good 15 minutes talking myself in and out of going in and crying. I can proudly say I didn't give in. This is the worst thing that has happened to me in years and I can't believe I didn't give in. Because smoking won't help, it would have just made me feel worse then I already do now. I can't be responsible for someone else's happiness or lack of it, I can only be responsible for my own. And giving into this addiction isn't going to make me happy.
