Just for today

Blog Post created by daverson828 on Mar 3, 2020

I'm in the doldrums at work, 75 minutes to go, and not much left to do. At midnight tonight it will be 7 days, or 168 hours, or 241920 minutes, or... I'll stop before that gets out of hand. As I understand it, any nicotine is well out of my system by now, and my physical withdrawal is over. I've finally been sleeping well (really well, actually!) and haven't had any headaches or shakiness since last week. 


I think this is the point during my last quit when I had subconsciously decided to start again. I've started thinking about smoking and the future. After all, spring is two weeks away, and that cigarette in the backyard ain't gonna smoke itself. Then there's the dentist appointment tomorrow, which was kind of my kick in the butt to quit again anyway -- I can tell them honestly that I've been quit for a week, walk out and buy a pack, and no one's the wiser (I'll stop again before the next appointment). And there's the long drive down the mountain next week. Visit from a friend in April. Etc. Etc. And so forth. I begin to feel like I haven't committed at all, or at least not with my whole heart. I don't know what my hang up is. 


I suspect this is junkie thinking, wishful thinking, stupid thinking, definition-of-insanity thinking. So just for today, I'm not going to smoke. I'll go to a meeting tonight, get home around 9, make a STRONG cup of cocoa, read for a while, then enjoy the smell of clean smoke-free sheets and fall asleep and let tomorrow worry about itself. It's a comforting idea, but also easier said than done.