daniellea

I Don't Need a Butt-ler

Blog Post created by daniellea on Jul 12, 2018

I had a dream last night that I was off cigs for 7 days, which meant that the worst of the quit was over.  It threw me for a loop when I woke up and realized that I was not at day 7, but going into my 2nd day. 

 

It was an interesting morning because I woke up late and had a dr's appointment.  This forced me to pass on coffee, which was a real mindf*ck as I went about my business as I drove in the car, parked the car and did my biz at the dr.  I was out of it, but it helped to remember what I learned about withdrawal symptoms.  I was grumpy but I'm always grumpy in the morning - with our without coffee.  Oddly, I did not feel a real yearning for cigs.  What I THOUGHT was, "How am I really going to start my day without a cigarette or coffee?"  Just a thought.  Remarkably, I didn't smoke --- and I did not die.  

 

I saw a "butt-ler" ashtray on the street and laughed to myself.  I don't have to look around for them anymore.  I don't even have to have a relationship with them.  I saw someone looking at his cell phone and smoking, and I felt far far away from that behavior.  I did not think of asking him to bum a cigarette.  I did not envy him.  I did not pity him.  I just don't do that anymore.  

 

I stocked up on some of my favorite gummy bears.  Took some time to look at the calories so I could determine a reasonable portion before I reach to devour them and quiet a craving.  I'm really fortunate that I am off work this summer, and I can quit smoking, consider the addiction, have time write about it, and not have too many stressors challenging the process.  Just trying to remember what I'm grateful for.  Being in my 2nd day smoke-free is a HUGE GRATITUDE! 

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