Feelings after a call to mother dearest

Blog Post created by coreinstincts_101 on Aug 5, 2017

I now know what is going on with me and I read it somewhere in this group before. It's called (missing the cigarette) but not wanting it but wanting it. that is where I am at right now. UGH, almost into 20 days and I am hitting this now and have been in this for a few days. What am I going to do, I am stuck where I am at and can't move forward in my life; the only thing adding up is days not smoked (DNS). I feel trapped in this house and in my life and this is not good for the depression that I go through and then I have to put on a good face for the people around me so that they don't know the situation that I am in because they really don't care to believe that I am truly sick.
(FML) sometimes I wish I wasn't here and no I wouldn't do anything to myself I just wish I wasn't here. Nobody Understands whats going through other persons head when they hit these manic lows, Sorry was just having a moment there after talking to my mother and I am not going to delete it, I need to voice these things and not hold them in it is no good for me, it actually hurts me in the end.

Thank you