Still Alive and Kickin'

Blog Post created by constanceclum on Oct 1, 2019

Sunday I celebrated 2 months of freedom!!! I'm really feeling good about my quit which this time is my forever quit! However life still has me running in circles! I started a little part-time job (20 hrs/week) to help pay for everything going on. So I worked last week from 5-9 p.m. and felt awful all week trying to adjust. I'm 61 and haven't worked for 10 yrs. I've always been a day shift person and go to sleep between 8 and 9. I'm also extremely tired a lot of the time and wonder if I need to be back on depression meds. My husbandd is still suffering from bad sleep apnea and it seems, insomnia. It's been 4 months since he has had a decent nights sleep. I can't for the life of me, understand why he is waiting 7 weeks til 10/31  for his consultation with a sleep specialist. Isn't that the arguement against universal healthcare? Anyway, it's really caught up with him, and he almost got in accident coming home from work on fri. because he fell asleep driving home from work. So I am now getting up at 4 a.m. to take him to work in Charlotte (30 minute drive each way) and picking him up at 1:00. I am not able to do that and work at night so I had to quit the job.


I think the worst part of all that I have gone through the past 4 months is realizing on a daily basis that I have 0 control over my life. And I'm wondering if that's a reason that I'm succeeding with this quit because that's 1 thing that I can control.


I also went to my lung dr. he said I might still have some cancer cells in this lung nodule because it did grow even though the PET scan didn't "light up". He presented me to the tumorboard. The surgeon doesn't want to operate because he believes this is the same nodule that he took out a yr. and 1/2 ago and that it has grown back. They don't want to do radiation without a firm cancer dx. because it will cause more damage to my already damaged lungs. So we will repeat the CT scan in Jan. and then he might send me to Duke which is about 3 hours away.


So life is not getting easier, and I feel like I might at any time break out in hysterical laughter, but I will not smoke!!