cheyenne7

I'm around, in the background

Blog Post created by cheyenne7 on Oct 5, 2018

I want this, I need this, I am trying again......I'm so disappointed, upset, depressed, you name it, over having smoked for sooooo long and not being able to throw these vile things away.  

 

I'm just going to not stop trying, that's all I can think to do right now.  Smoked this morning, then not again until tonight.....not perfect, but at least it's a step.  

 

My mind has so much on it, but I have to make this a priority , it has got to be done.......I feel the effects, but I can't let the sadness of knowing this is self inflicted railroad me away from getting off these things.......I don't know if my feelings are truly as intense as they feel, or is it the addicted part of my head hammering it in so hard, to make me too weak mentally to quit.......possibly both.

 

Either case, I have got to win this war with nicotine.  Crazy knowing that I control both sets of hands, yet I have been losing the war.......it's solely up to me, how is it possible to be losing at this.......

 

Long work days this weekend (31+ hours in 2 days), so I won't be back on until Monday, but I wanted to put it out there, where my head is and such.......I know the quit is up to me, but I feel being part of this supportive group is important, but of course, I have to at least get this quit up and running.......but I know if I can do that, I will love having your support when things gets rocky, so I can keep the quit......if I can just get started, I don't want to ever go backwards again.

 

Wishing you all a safe and happy weekend!

 

Peace,

Cheyenne (Susan)

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