Instead of disappearing for who knows how long.....I'm going to try again

Blog Post created by cheyenne7 on Aug 24, 2018

I've read back on some of my old, that's all I can say.   I can't believe how long ago I joined.  Shooting for September 1st.  I know I'm suppose to look as to why I didn't make it, but it just seems like I get scared that it will work and I buy a pack for security, and of course, I smoke that pack.  I don't even make it an entire day.  It's all me, it's all my choosing.  I will let you know how the 1st goes.  You guys say the right things, you all point to the helpful readings, it's just me, I can't tell you or me why. I know I get a feeling like it's not that bad, then I think oh oh, I might make it through the day and instead of rejoicing, I run back to grab my old vice, because I have a hard time visualizing me as a non-smoker.  I wonder what will I do in crisis?  I wonder if I'll get bi*chy, wonder, wonder wonder about what ifs and what will I do?  I have no other vice.  So, I've been back to the gym, trying to make that my vice.  Long and short of it is  that I have to just jump in and trust that whatever comes my way, I'll survive it without cigarettes, and life has taught me that something will come my way, hopefully good news for awhile or no news.


p.s.  It is a joke to drive to the gym smoking, knowing others can probably smell it too.......where is the self pride, when did it leave? SMH