3 days in and it has been an adventure. I am proud to have made it this far. There have been many close calls. As I write this I contemplate driving another nail in my coffin and stealing a cigarette from my wife's purse. Which I know is wrongheaded, and think gee NRT is not helping me that much, it just gives me vivid dreams, or vivid nightmares. yesterday I found the prospect of having these nightmares/dreams exciting, I could write a story or make a painting it could be epic if I was good at either of those. Today I am less enchanted, I tossed and turned and did not end up sleeping that much. Of course I expected this to happen. Last year I made it to the 6 month mark. I patched up for about a month, realized they gave me nightmares so took the patch off at night. I think the next couple of weeks, I am going to endure the crazy dreams, at least until I have a solid habit of putting on a new patch everyday(mornings are one of my weakest points).
For whatever reason, I remember that attempt being easier. Maybe I was in a better frame of mind, I am racking my brain trying to remember what I did or am doing differently. Perhaps it was not easier and I just want it to be this time. I am reminding myself now is what matters, but what lessons did I learn? maybe it's easy, just make the right choice a few thousand more times, just deal with it, you have been through worse, this is not that bad and you will be more confident everytime you say no.
Other random things going on in my mind
Today I found myself obsessively googling what do when a craving hits. I notice some patterns in the search results, alot of quit hotlines. Adds for chantyx, adds nicoderm cq, adds for smoke away. I am sore I slept weird and obsessing over quitting methods. So I Google quitting smoking and massage. I see some science article about it. I think to myself wow that's not very compelling evidence. I keep searching another article, less sciency quotes the first article. My next thought is, this is the same way that lemons make your pee more alkali. Sorry for that random rant, I am pretty much just typing where my head is at. Back to the point at the top I am no longer contemplating stealing my wife's cigarettes craving beaten, 1 less to worry about.
