Whatman21

So it begins again

Blog Post created by Whatman21 on Jul 29, 2020

New to this forum and not normally one to join blogs, forums etc... I've smoke 14 years give or take and quit once before for 3 years when I met my ex-fiance. She's  long in the past and that's for the better except I started smoking again. Now I'm on day 4 using the patch and I don't recall it being this miserable. I already deal with good old bipolar issue an am in a funk but jesus this has tanked me and now am numb, angry for no reason etc. Beyond my normal lows. (No I'm not suicidal or anything bad). I expect the tight chest, irritability, cough, depression,  so on. But the depth of it is rough, also as a 32 year old in shape guy the weird sensation of being too warm when relaxing is a new odd one I havent experienced. I work a very physically demanding job as a millwright and welder so I get a free workout daily which helps a bit and distracts me to a degree. It's the night like now when it gets really bad. I have no support  and live alone  except one friend and I have a pretty hard family so I dont expect much from them plus we live far apart. I see a shrink for my aforementioned reason of  being bipolar which helps. It's the lack of energy and motivation to do any that are killing me. If I smoked 2 or 3 in a 10-20 minute span it was almost like a manic episode without the negatives of true mania. I'd like to get there again, I know it'll come with time but does anyone have tips or tricks to get to help out? I already get the work out through my job (have to eat 5500 calories a day to maintain my weight to put the job in perspective) sooo yea have that covered. Any other advice is welcomed with an open mind. I have no intention of starting up again since it gave me ulcers I recently found out. Well guess my rant is over, I wish everyone in the process best of luck I did once before I know all of you can and for those already past the miserable part congrats.

Outcomes