Day 7

Blog Post created by WereAllMadHere on Jun 22, 2018

I must say, quitting has been very difficult. I have had moments where I have thought about suicide and moments that I have just decided that quitting was too much for me and I would be better off as a smoker. I have looked up so much information, including photos, and I would think that seeing someone dying of cancer surrounded by family would help me quit but it didn't. I felt bad for the person in those photos and their family but truly believe when your time is up.. it's up. I really believe that after losing my oldest child's biological father at the age of 22 and my mother as a result of her dying by the hands of a nurse in the hospital. In my family, everyone seems to pass away young. Even the non-smokers before 60 years old. My only sibling has cancer, an uncurable cancer, and he never smoked as well as another close relative diagnosed with cancer not only once.. but twice. I changed my lifestyle 11 months ago (on the 24th of June). I lowered my blood pressure and lost -130 lbs. I decided that I wanted to quit smoking. I decided that I wanted to live on June 24th. Before my quit I was very active, my minimum daily steps were 30k. I hardly ever sat down. I had so much energy, too much energy! I have lost most of my energy, turned into a couch potato (I don't even usually hit 10k steps daily), issues with digestion (which may be worse because i do not have a gallbladder), have felt depressed and just not myself, blurred vision (possibly because of too much candy as I never really ate much of it before) and I haven't had a veggie since I quit! There is part of me that still feels that it is worth quitting and becoming a non-smoker. I'm not sure exactly where I read it but it was somewhere on the internet.. "sitting is the new smoking". That bothers me to think about. I do not want to become a couch potato. I have worked so hard to get to where 7 days ago! On my weight loss journey I learned so much. One thing that I had learned is that nothing is impossible. Some would say that you can't compare but I can and will. I believe that what I have learned will help me become a non-smoker. I have so much fight in me it's crazy! As I'm typing my children are screaming and I am yet questioning again if I have made the right decision.   I just really want to get to the point that I don't think about smoking and if I do, not question my decision. Below is a photo that I had taken around -5 lbs. ago.