#mydailyentry
3/18/19 - 10:00am
I've not ever really been a breakfast person. Noticing what likely was a core source of nicotine triggering (hunger)
and addressing the hunger is one very important aspect of keeping the crazy ass thoughts at bay.
I did make a note of something on Sunday, where I could feel a clearing of thoughts for a while, now i seem to be back in a bit of a fog as i try to dig in at work. Think it could be related to Co2/02 interchange. Feel better after walking or riding bike.
Been a busy weekend, trying to just keep a step ahead of craving by being active. worked on cleaning the garage.
I am having anxiety with psycho-social sources. In the past nicotine use helped create and reduce that same anxiety.
Now I am not creating it with Nicotine, but the anxiety still exists. Looking at the core issues surrounding how to reduce those factors that increase anxiety is the keep. Finding the items where i do have locus of control and realizing those where i do not have that.
Anxiety is a mixed bag. Start thinking i may have an underlying psychiatric illness manifesting. as we look at the ramifications of our addiction, we also look as sources which contribute to it. Mine is an underlying insecurity which it seems I've been intimate with since i was a child.
Adaption that insecurity into a tool for change is now the main feature of me getting better. Facing anxiety head-on, and addressing conditions which can through various means either contribute to reducing it, or making it far worse.
Reactionary changes have been a way I've often handled issues.
as i think about these things, I think about how nicotine has played key aspects in poor decision making for the past decade.
there is nothing positive about nicotine. Nothing.
Having been sober for over 30 yrs, I've seen nicotine destroy lives in a way which is much more insidious then booze.
THERE IS NO SAFE NICOTINE. none.
305PM. lots mind racing activity. Work tends to be a hard place to quell the P/S mind racing.
Evening was relaxing, and nice. no noticeable thoughts about nic Food has renewed meaning and importance.
Famous Daves' BBQ hasn't tasted as good in 10 years!
