As New Year’s Eve approached, I was fixated on finding something to do to celebrate. I wanted to welcome 2018 doing something I’d never done before or hadn’t done in a long time.
The family was still reeling from my aunt’s pre-Christmas announcement she once again was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were holding our breath waiting. We were waiting for her appointment with the surgeon on January 9th. I was concerned of course for my aunt but I was also concerned for my mom. This is her identical twin. I knew whatever happens with my aunt it is going to impact my mom.
I wanted to do something that would take me away from the reality of my life. I wanted something that would put me in the frame of mind that 2018 was going to be the beginning of me living my life differently. It was 2 days before the New Year when I woke up. It was as if I was slapped across the face with a below zero gust of wind. I didn’t need to look for something to make the arrival of the New Year different. I already had that difference and the difference was me. 2018 was going to be different because it was going to be the first New Year in over 30 years that I welcomed without cigarettes. By the time the clock struck midnight, I would be 6 months free of smoking. It was right there all the time and I wasn’t seeing it. How often had I gone looking for something outside of myself only to realize what I was looking for was there in me all the time?
I got a couple classic movies from the library, A Letter to Three Wives and The Man Who Came to Dinner. I bought something to toast the New Year. I took a long hot soak in the whirlpool, put on some warm fuzzy pajamas, fixed myself a cocktail, curled up on the couch with my beloved Tabasco and watched the movies. When the clock struck midnight, I toasted the New Year and myself. There weren’t any resolutions to eat better, or exercise or quit smoking. I was already eating better, exercising, and cigarettes were no longer a part of my life. I smiled when I realized I almost robbed myself of basking in my own accomplishments. Happy New Year everyone!