100 Days of Freedom

[TurboRose]

Before my quit, there were times I couldn’t imagine not smoking. I’d tried quitting before. Most attempts were half-hearted. I think the longest I was able to abstain was about 60 days. I considered not trying again. There were 2 options before me; (1) Accept I was a smoker, own my decision, quit hiding my habit and stop feeling like a bad little girl or (2) I could have faith the time was right for me to quit. I decided to try quitting.  There were challenging days. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Today is my 100th day free from smoking. Here’s a list of some of the things I’ve learned.

• I blamed smoking for all of things I believe I lack in my life. My life is how it is because of what I’ve believed to be true about myself and the decisions I’ve made not because of smoking.
• I can be a “glass half empty person.”
• When I experience a negative thought or emotion pertaining to my life, I wallow in it. I’ll roll in it, cry and play victim.
• It’s easy for me to fall into the role of a victim.
• It never dawned on me I can choose what I think about.
• I can choose not to dwell on sad and painful thoughts.
• I believed it was irresponsible not to think about the thoughts that floated into my mind regardless of whether or not they were negative and/or painful.
• I had to give myself permission to change my thoughts.
• Quitting isn’t a magic wand. My life isn’t going to change just because I stopped smoking.
• I judged myself for smoking.
• I used smoking as a reason to feel bad about myself. I always felt like a bad little girl who was doing something she knew she wasn’t suppose to do.
• I used smoking as a reason why I didn’t spend more time with my family. I didn’t spend more time with my family because it didn’t always feel good.
• In the beginning, the only thing I changed was stopping smoking. Now, I’m beginning to change some behavioral patterns.
• I use to think I didn’t have the discipline or capability to stick with anything longer than 10 days. I often found it difficult to stick with anything I voluntarily chose to do versus tasks I was obligated to do.
• I am hard on myself.
• I don’t recognize nor acknowledge my accomplishments.
• Not smoking for 100 days in a row after 36 years of smoking is an accomplishment.
• People I use to smoke with seem a little uncomfortable around me especially if they’re smoking.
• I’ve been able to handle emotionally charged situations without having a smoke.
• I am stronger then I realize.