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Share your quitting journey

53 Days of Freedom but Who’s Counting?

TurboRose
Member
2 12 163

The first 30 days being an EX were relatively smooth.  I didn’t have a pattern of smoking in my car and I didn’t smoke in the house.  I smoked on the front porch, while taking the dog out and once upon a time I smoked in the garage.  My pattern was smoking before I left home, when I returned home, when I was at work and when I was bored at home.

I didn’t make any changes in how I spent my time at home. I was still on the couch watching TV, thinking about what I could or should do and usually only doing what needed to be done.  The only thing that was different was I wasn’t smoking, drinking and self-medicating  to pass the time.  Occasionally I checked the Ex site.  I didn’t find all of the references to smoking a distraction from smoking.  I knew it was there whenever I needed support.

I knew the time would come when it would be best to make some lifestyle changes. I still sat around watching TV as I mentally made a list of the things I could do to change my pattern.  The days rolled by.  Before I knew it I was 42 days smoke free.  Yippee!

I decided to take a road trip to visit a cousin and watch the eclipse.  It would be my first road trip and visit as an Ex-smoker.  I had some concerns but I really needed a nice long drive.  The drive and the visit triggered me more than I anticipated.  I didn’t smoke but I shoveled a whole lot of food in my mouth, especially while driving.  I noticed more thoughts of smoking drifting through my mind.  The thoughts centered more on the absence of smoking. I believe these thoughts were triggered because I was experiencing 2 firsts.  I never felt my Quit was in jeopardy.  Driving home, I knew I needed to make some changes at home or it could become increasingly more challenging to remain an Ex-smoker.

Today is my first day back home.  Just watching TV wasn’t cutting it.  Earlier, I felt restless. I kept walking around looking for something to do and not wanting to do any of the options before me.  Overcoming the pattern of doing nothing but watching TV, drinking, smoking and who knows what, is the challenge I need to hurdle.  The drinking and smoking are being handled. It's the third side of the triangle that needs to be addressed. I decided to distract myself with writing and playing computer card games. I've been working on this post and playing for a few hours.  Talk about dragging something out.  I’ve jumped on the mini-trampoline a couple times.  I set a goal of 6 5 minute intervals.  I wonder how I’ll spend the rest of the day. 

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About the Author
My relationship with Nic O. Tine began when I was a kid. Occasionally, my dad would have me light his cigarette (Philip Morris.) By age10, I was sneaking butts and once I took a whole cigarette. It was also when my dad’s mom was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Dad didn’t feel he had the right to caution my brothers and I against smoking. It was my mom who told us not to smoke. She became very critical of smokers and smoking. Shortly, after my grandmother’s death, I witnessed a moment that stuck with me: My mom and dad were standing in the bathroom. Dad was throwing his cigarettes in the toilet vowing to quit. My dad smoked until he died. In high school, a couple of my friends smoked and I would bum smokes from them. I didn’t want to consider myself a “smoker” because of my mom’s harsh opinions. I figured as long as I didn’t purchase a pack, I wasn’t a smoker. I didn’t purchase my first pack of smokes until I was a junior in college. Smoking wound up being a weapon I used to feel bad about myself. I knew it was bad for my health. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, ashamed and like a bad little girl for disobeying my mom. It was overwhelming. Over the years, I found myself reenacting the scene I witnessed as a young girl. On a Sunday evening (always Sunday,) I’d stand in front of the toilet throwing away my smokes vowing to quit. Though I acknowledged my smoking, I never smoked in front of my parents nor any of my mom’s family. I smoked around other smokers or around people I didn’t know and didn’t care whether or not they judged me. Professionally, I’m an IT person. I did applications development, systems design, technical support and customer service. I’ve worked in the fast food, manufacturing, software and travel industries. I have also worked as a substitute teacher, hotel front desk clerk and travel agent. Currently, I work part-time as a bookkeeper for a local farmer (commodities and equestrian.) Personally, I am single, no children. I’m the youngest of 3. During my early childhood, I lived in a combined family situation. At one point, I was the youngest of 13. I am a sexual abuse survivor. I’m a 3rd generation Intuitive/Medium and I'm an empath. I enjoy photography, traveling and being creative. I have 2 cottage industry projects I’m building; Home Decor/Apparel and Intuitive/Medium (not Psychic) readings. I have the sweetest rescued Yorkshire Terrier, Tabasco.