Day 80

Blog Post created by Tryingmydarndest on Mar 22, 2018

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, I realized today. It’s been a little bit of a blur lately. I’ve had some good days and some down days but overall I think I’m handling things better. I know that I can tend to keep to myself and isolate when I’m feeling depressed or anxious. But I’ve been trying to reach out when I can. 

I went to see a psychologist last week. I was hoping to get some insight, maybe some tools to help me through what I’ve been dealing with. Unfortunately, she offered me none of that and said that I would probably benefit from counseling after I’ve regulated myself on some type of drug and recommended I see a psychiatrist. But that is my absolute last resort. So I have been trying more homeopathic remedies instead and want to give it more time before I go that route. I have to admit that appointment made me feel more down for a while, like I was hopeless. But I picked myself back up and kept going.

Some good news is that my husband quit last week and he’s on day 7 now. I am trying to be supportive of him but it’s honestly a little hard. He has never been able to make it past a few weeks so I’m skeptical it will last. I feel like I’m just waiting for him to go back to smoking, preparing myself for it so I won’t be upset. I obviously feel guilty for seeing it this way but I don’t want to tell him that I basically don’t believe in him. Because I do... it’s just... complicated. 

I am so proud to say I’m 80 days smoke-free and I feel like I’m officially a non-smoker. I don’t ever, ever want to go back to that life.