DAY 58...

Blog Post created by Tryingmydarndest on Feb 28, 2018

I’m feeling horrible. I’m alone again and so unsure of what to do about something else. I finally start to feel better in my quit. Something really stressful is going on, and all of the triggers were there and... I did NOT want to smoke!!! I was so happy. I told my husband this (if you haven’t read my other stuff, he tried to quit but went back to it) and he said it’s too hard for him to talk about it. Like he couldn’t deal with me being free?!?!! I don’t get it. I could try to psychoanalyze it but I have no mental capacity for it now. 

The other thing... I’ve been burying my head in the sand for a long time but had a rude awakening today. Someone in my immediate family is an alcoholic. It’s been going on for years but it’s getting worse. I don’t know how to handle it. I’m dealing with my own addiction... and I feel like I need to deal with this too now. No one else is saying anything about it and we all just keep ignoring it. But it’s affecting all the rest of us. I know some may say it’s not my responsibility but I feel like it is. I have no idea how to approach it. I’ve told this person before how the drinking affects me. I’ve said how they are a different person when drinking. I’ve said it in every gentle way over years but nothing changes. As someone with an addiction I know how hard it is to hear from someone that you have a problem. But I don’t think that they even know they HAVE a problem!!! 

And then, an old friend reached out to me today and told me she has a heroin addiction. Why why why is addiction EVERYWHERE!!?? She will likely die if she doesn’t get treatment. She hasn’t eaten anything in a month. I’m so scared for her and for my family member. I feel like I have no one to talk to... just praying.