So this weekend has been busy! I took my kids over to my sister’s so that she and her husband could go to a wedding and watched her two kids. Four kids and just me. I NEVER would have offered to do that when I was smoking. Yes it was hard but also wonderful to have all that time spent together!!
I also spent a lot of time with Allen Carr... reading his books anyway. I wish I knew about him before I quit! Yes I’m not smoking but I am still addicted to nicotine. I want to tear this patch off but I’m still scared I will go ape$@&”! I don’t want to be even more miserable to be around, though I’m starting to feel more like myself. But how can I be free with this constant dosage of nicotine coursing through me? Arrrgghhh...
I found something interesting in one of Carr’s books that made me think of my husband. That a person who quit but who still yearns to smoke is still hooked, is basically a smoker who isn’t smoking. Which tells me, because he never stopped wanting one, that he wasn’t truly ready to quit. If he’s not ready, I can’t force him to be. I plan to introduce him to Carr’s books but otherwise I need to Leave. It. Alone. I can’t expect him to be overjoyed for me because he’s still brainwashed. I can’t expect him to quit just because I have. I just hope we don’t continue to fight about it all, that he doesn’t keep finding things wrong with me (which is probably his addiction just looking for reasons why quitting is terrible).
I also found that instead of doubting myself and wondering how long I will last, I need to say, “I’m not a smoker and I’m so happy about it!”