So, it's really true about No Man's Land. I am really proud to be 200+ days without smoking or nicotine. Many days I find I don't even think about it. And then a high stress moment happens and I'm like-- damn, if only...
But my resolve only gets stronger. I certainly don't want to go back. Ever. My husband has-- and yet, this time I'm not wracked with jealousy. I just feel sad. He says he doesn't every day, but I can't even engage over it. He said, "I only do it when I'm very stressed." I said, "Well, I get it. I really do. But every time you puff, you wake the demon. But you do you. I have spoken." (It was funny because we're Mandalorian fans.)
In other news, I'm rocking my job. I'm bonding with my kids. I'm running faster. I'm KILLING it at LifeTime with waitlists of 30+ people for my Barre classes. It's only the once in awhile I have to really dig deep to set myself right when things aren't going exactly my way, as things often do.
I did talk to my doctor about my anxiety. I misdiagnosed panic attacks as cravings. She switched my meds and I'm feeling much better. I wonder if all along, anxiety was really my issue and what kept me smoking. I know it doesn't matter which came first. What I do know for sure is that I have better ways out of it now. I've learned ujayi breath in fire yoga. It's when you seal your lips as you deeply inhale and exhale. It's like an ocean wave in the back of your throat. If you learn to do it correctly, you can really bring down your heart rate quickly with it!
No Man's Land is about learning to solve problems in new ways. You don't need to smoke to find clarity and peace. It's in you and has been all along. You just have to develop those coping muscles!