TriGirl

SO as a trigger

Blog Post created by TriGirl on May 30, 2019

This is going to sound just TERRIBLE, but I need to be honest about this. My husband has always been a smoker and when we met, I was too. Not a problem when we married, either, but when it came time to try for children, I knew I had to quit.

THAT quit was so much simpler for me. I knew what I wanted and it was just no question what had to happen if I wanted a healthy baby. But this started big trouble for us as a couple because I quit, but he couldn't. I'd smell it on him and become FURIOUS! We had many fights about it and I always resented the fact that he couldn't let go for our family while I had to.

I didn't smoke again for years. Our second child is four years younger than our oldest, so I would guess I was a non-smoker at least 5 years. My husband's smoking continued to be an issue. We really almost called it quits. We opted to go to a marriage retreat first-- and that's when I broke and started smoking with him again. 

Over the years, we've tried several times to quit together, but it NEVER works! Either I cheat, and that makes him feel he's off the hook-- or he cheats and I tell myself I'm off. I am tired of this feeling like a contest. I just don't want to connect my quit to his this time. I actually don't want to think of his AT ALL. I know that sounds just AWFUL, but he just doesn't follow through. He doesn't make a plan. He's tried to join me in doing runs and Tris. I give him a training plan, and he just doesn't follow it. So, if I really want this, I think I'm truly on my own. 

I even sent him the link to EX and told him how much I'm learning and the supportive connections I'm making. I don't think he even opened the link. I guess I'll be sorry if he ever does join and reads this. I'm not trying to put him down. I think I'm just trying to straighten out in my head what really needs to happen for ME to be successful. I HOPE I'm wrong and he'll turn a corner, but I'm pretty sure I should NOT consider this a "together" quit. I'm pretty sure it needs to be mine and mine alone, with a prayer that my success will inspire him.

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