Still no cigarettes but as soon as this thing hit the back of my throat, I did want a cigarette. You gag really hard! I felt acid come up from my stomach! I finally told her Stop just stop let me do it myself! So with her watching me very closely I did it a lot slower feeling it hit the back of my nose, I told her, she said that's good now only draw it down to the mark on the tube that I put no farther.
I did it, I DID IT! It was easier doing it myself! Took the xray and she said it's in properly but if it moves or the tape comes off please call me immediately or go to the hospital! Well that's common sense! It doesn't feel real weird. I joked with my husband who asked how I feel when I eat.
I don't feel anything! I said it's the easiest way to eat! You eat, no real cooking, no utensils needed. You just do what you want and don't even chew. I finally do feel full. I actually feel full again. Your body sure does go through weight quickly, 10lbs gone in a week. I said well if anyone wants a quick and easy weight loss don't eat for almost a week.
I don't feel like I need a cigarette anymore. I just don't. I guess it's because I'm full now? My brain has fuel?
I'm glad I'm not smoking now! Did you know cigarettes can erode the tube? I asked how? She said it's not nicotine that erodes it it's all the toxins especially arsenic! Yuck! So keep using the patches.
Otherwise friend is taking me out for pizza on Monday. I can still try to eat with the tube since my swallowing reflex isn't broken. It has to be tiny bites and it can't push the tube down. So I told him I've been craving pizza like it's my last meal! He laughed and said meat lovers with onion I remember, we'll go with the wife and Katrina. I'll have to have a knife and fork but if I get nausea again I'll stop. She saw some erosion when she looked in the back of my throat and said it wasn't bad but it was from all the throwing up I've done. Stomach Acid! It'll heal thankfully. It might take a few weeks.
I also finally broke down to my aunt and told her the financial situation. She is now the oldest since the oldest is gone and now mom is going. She said sweetheart don't worry about that! I suppose she yelled at the other 7 brothers and 1 sister? I know my aunt and uncle are retired so how can they have that much money? I got a call from the funeral home 30 mins later and she said it's paid for. I said what's paid for? She said my mom's cremation and after she dies, it might take up to a week but you'll get them. Apparently it takes a long time to cremate somebody? I don't know how they do it! I think of the viking cremation! Put you on a pile and light! After I got off the phone 20 mins later the church in Indiana called. You don't have to worry about the priest fee or the lady that plays the organ fee.
We all know living is expensive, well death is expensive too! They said we could still claim her as a dependent last year, even with her retirement it wasn't enough. I also got another bill from the nursing home. I don't know how medicaid said she made over 1,200 dollars when it was 1,055.00! I can prove that! I imagine they are trying to claim it's before medicaid part B? I'm still fighting them over that and will continue well until after death if I have to! I AM NOT PAYING MORE THAN WHAT MOM'S CHECK IS! I CAN'T AFFORD IT!
So day 14 
