My Journey!!

[Tracyglenn]

I'm a 47 year old female who was diagnosed with severe copd four years ago at that time I was smoking three packs daily and was able to get around with little SOB during activitys ‍♀‍♀and I had constant panic attacks . In Nov 2016 I had a excrubation and pneumonia and an infection in my lungs that caused me to lose oxygen and go unconscious .I was rushed by ambulance to the hospital and took straight to trauma unit where I was put on life support until I was strong enough to go in surgery and have a tracheotomy placed in throat.14 days on it and they were doubtful I would survive surgery and prepared my family to call everyone to come see me before I went in I remained in a medicated coma the whole time never knew anything  I cant even imagine what my kidswent through and I will never know what me smoking caused my family ‍‍to go through. With many prayersand Gods grace I made it thru surgery and placed in mcicu for about 2 weeks when I woke up I couldnt remember what happened last.I knew I was at home alone and my parents came to check on me. I woke to a my hands being tied to the bed and I was in a panic doctor‍⚕explained that I was restrained so I couldnt pull the trachea out. About a week later I was mouthing to please untie me so I could try and set up they reluctantly did and help set me up and I felt so heavy and they laid me back, I couldnt talk I was scared I would never talk again.I couldnt walk‍♀ or write I was confused and so scared I would cry alot my family ‍‍could only see me at a certain time and only two at a time and I didnt understand why they were leaving me it was awful. I eventually was moved to the 3rd floor in a room and had to have my mom stay to help me. Once I was able to be discharged I had to stay with my parents so I had help 24/7 with my trachea and walking‍♀, I was there instead of home where I longed to be I went thru terrible depression and felt so different and alone and ashamedof the way I was so different than I use to be‍♀. I was scared cause I couldnt scream if something was wrong I couldnt call and talk to my husband and kids‍‍ every day, my daughter stayed with me but my son and husband‍ were home.I had many ups and downs I felt worthless and embarrassed ‍♀, I've been on 24/7 oxygen since it happened, and was in a wheelchair a few months. My trachea was removed in April 2017 and I was strong enough by then I could go homeand once home I still felt that I was alone and ashamed of the oxygen,the scars,my looks,my worthlessnesss!! I dont go places anymore and I cant enjoy things like I use to ‍♀I dont like people looking at me and I dont go to my kids activitys because I dont wont them to be embarrassed ‍♀ by people that stare or pointat me so I'm home alone alot I struggle with going in public to this day. I did stop smoking once it all happened 4 years ago by using the ecigs and I hate to say I'm still using it and trying to stop I can honestly say now that even though I like smoking IT WAS'NT WORTH IT !!! Not even a little I am paying the pricefor being stupidand I hope my storycan help someone who's thinking about smoking Not to do it not even onceNot even the ecig

Unless your willing to pay the price for choosing stupidity!!!!!!! = 

Inside looking out is no way to live.. God Bless